Ask Donna - Why Doesn’t Anyone Like Me?
Okay, the woman didn’t ask me directly, but I heard through a friend of a friend that a woman I know was moaning about how no one likes her. Apparently she made the statement “I don’t think anyone likes me.”
As one of the many people that doesn’t like this woman, I have to say that we have our reasons. Many reasons!
Let me just say that this woman drives me C-R-A-Z-Y! The sound of her voice alone attacks my nerve endings causing a splintering pain to shatter directly behind my right eye. More often than not, I find myself just walking away from her when she speaks. When possible I avoid talking with her at all.
To say that I’m curt with her would be putting it nicely. I can be rude. I don’t like it, but I can admit it.
In the past, I’ve heard her moan about people not liking her. She laughs off the comment and seems to want reassurance that “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” or in her case, “Of course people like you.”
My response has been to stare at her with a dumbfounded I-can’t-believe-you-said-that look on my face before I shake my head and walk away. You see, I don’t think she realizes that she’s right… people don’t like her.
If you’ve ever noticed that people don’t seem to like you, you’re probably right, too. They don’t. If it’s only one or two people, you may not have anything to worry about. Not everyone will be your friend. Some people just aren’t capable of being friends and they like it that way (this may even be you).
But if more people than not don’t seem to like you… the cause is probably you.
If this matters to you, you may want to ask yourself the following questions to see if you can start building friendships with the people in your neighborhood, workplace, church, etc.
1. Why do you think people don’t like you? What are they doing or not doing?
2. How do these people treat others? Are they friendly, civil or hostile?
3. How do you others? Are you friendly, civil or hostile?
4. Have you noticed a pattern of when people stop talking with you or when they walk away? What have you just done or said?
5. Is it possible that others perceive you as being bossy, critical or negative?
6. Are you bossy, critical or negative?
7. Are you open to feedback on your own behavior or attitudes or do you get defensive? Do you point out flaws in others without admitting your own?
Someone once said: “The best way to get a friend is to be a friend.” Are you anyone’s friend? Do you say kind words to others? Do you help them out just because you can–even if they don’t ask? Do you try to make their day a bit brighter? Do you smile as you walk past them? Do you build them up when talking with others?
There are so many ways to be a friend to someone else. But to do it only so that you can gain from it will make your efforts appear insincere and may do more harm than good.
It takes time to build a friendship. So give it time. If you’ve left some “battle scars” it may take much longer than you’d expect. People will be skeptical, distrustful at first. You have to give it time to win them over. But once you have, you’ll enjoy the fruits of your determination.
You’ll have someone to share (remember what share means? You each get an equitable portion) the good times and the bad times with. You’ll have someone to laugh and cry with. You’ll have someone who can help you and will let you help in return.
But perhaps best of all, you won’t worry and wonder about whether or not people like you, because you’ll know that many do.
