Values-Based Gift Giving
With Christmas just 38 days away you may be just getting started, are well on your way, or have finished and already gift-wrapped all your holiday purchases. I fall in the first category. I’m just getting started.
My 1-month shy of her 18th birthday daughter gave us her Christmas wish list the other day. She included books, CDs, DVDs, and techno-gadgets. As I was scanning her list I noticed that she wanted the uncensored versions of some of the CDs.
Hmmm… in the past we’ve refused to let her buy uncensored versions of music. But she’s almost 18-years old… an adult (legally anyway)… should her father and I still be applying our filters to her music?
When Gerry and I talked this over, I was surprised to learn that he was ready to take a stronger position on this issue than I was. I thought I could compromise.
My thought was to not buy Beth those CDs but let her know that if she wanted to buy them at some point in time, that it would be okay. I thought that by buying these CDs for her, I was condoning the content. I couldn’t do that. I find the violent nature, the swearing, and the sexual content offensive. But at the same time, I’m trying to respect my daughter’s freedom to choose what she listens to.
But Gerry disagreed. He thought the bigger point was in whether we wanted to let this offensive content in to our home. Even though Beth listens to her music in her room or while wearing headphones she is still in our home. There is still the chance that she’ll (unthinkingly) let her 15-year-old brother listen to it.
Gerry likened the offensive nature of this music to pornography. Would we tell them, “Well, we won’t buy it for you, but if you buy it yourself that’s okay.” No. Would we want one of our children to bring it in to our home? No.
Gerry helped me to focus in on our shared core values of keeping as much junk content out of our home as possible.
When you are buying gifts this Christmas season, I hope you pay attention to your own moral values. Just because something is acceptable in someone else’s home, make sure the gift is appropriate for you to be giving it.
You can send mixed signals by giving gifts you won’t allow your own children to possess. You can send mixed signals by giving suggestive gifts you typically find offensive.
It may be the easy way out to give people what they ask for or what you know they will enjoy, but make sure you don’t inadvertantly contribute to inappropriate attitudes or behavior by giving gifts that conflict with your core values.
If you know anything about me, know that I love books. There are books on every topic. If you aren’t sure what to buy someone take a stroll through your local bookstore. Surely you can find a great book (even for typical non-readers) for everyone on your shopping list.
