Just Say No
A good friend of mine recently told me how tired she was of always doing things for other people. Julie talked about feeling taken advantage of. She talked about never having time to do what she wants to do. She talked about the feelings of frustration and hurt she experiences when she asks for help but no one else seems to have time.
Julie also recognized her own culpability in these situations. As Eleanor Roosevelt wisely said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I like to that “No one can take advantage of you unless you let them!”
But how does a chronic “yes” person begin to say “no”? It isn’t as simple as just switching words. The people around us know which buttons to push to make us say “yes.” They know when to gush with praise or weep with need. And many of us continue to fall for it.
Julie’s true realization was that by spending so much of her time and energy helping others, she didn’t have the time and energy to work on her own dream: to design a line of greeting cards.
So what can she do to change from a “yes” to a “no” woman? She can honor her own dream by keeping it in front of her. She can keep it at the top of her “to do” list.
When someone asks: “Would you coordinate a baby shower for us?” Julie can respond, “Sorry. I really want to stay focused on my greeting cards.”
When the person says: “This won’t take much time. And no one can put together a party like you can!” Julie can respond, “Thanks for saying that. But it does take a lot of my time. And I really need to stay focused on my greeting cards.”
And when the person says: “But Julie, if you don’t do it, no one else will!” Julie can respond: “That’s too bad. But I really need to focus on my greeting cards.”
By becoming a broken record, you don’t allow the other person the chance to break down all your reasons/defenses. By not offering suggestions to resolve the problem, you are not taking any ownership in the problem.
Stand firm and repeat your commitment to your own dream. You probably need to hear it as much as they do! 
